How I’m currently defining balance, and how I got here
Getting a little raw and personal with you guys on this one. Coming off the high of lollapalooza and this summer of fun,I felt awareness of a shift in my perspective, and I wanted to share that a bit more in-depth :).
Over the years, my definition of “balance” has majorly changed. It went from me treating myself (#Treatyoself) on weekends with less healthy food, to now, taking some much-needed me time to enjoy being a 26 year old, single female living in the city. This word that’s constantly tossed around on social media used to feel like a way to define cheat days, but now it’s how I define LIVING. I’m at a place now where I have healthy habits ingrained within me, I have my routine down, and I am okay letting go, letting my bun loose ;), to enjoy new life experiences. Sometimes this includes alcohol, and other times, it doesn’t. I go in waves with drinking, and that’s okay too! It’s taken me a while to embrace my unique perspective amongst societal norms, so I’m excited to share all the different transition points in my life, and how I’ve now come to love the present state I’m in.
I went to a Big10 university, so I, of course, had a very present social life in college. My college experience very work hard, play hard – I learned so much, had so much fun, and I look back on those years so fondly. They taught me how to embrace the present and have fun, while also practicing discipline to accomplish my goals. By the time I graduated, I had no idea where I saw my future going, I knew that I had big dreams and wanted to prioritze that. The fall after graduation, I moved to a brand new city, where I knew no one besides my (now ex) boyfriend. While at first I felt like “We should be going out, everyone our age is going out” I eventually accepted the comfort of being a homebody and kind of de-prioritized my social life. I was in the peak of a new relationship, discovering myself, and while I felt like I was maybe being “lame” from an outsider perspective, it was comfortable and easy. When I did go out, I honestly didn’t have the greatest time. I didn’t have a group of friends here yet, so I felt like I was tagging along, and it honestly put a strain on my relationship at times too. I’ve been asked how I refrain from social drinking and my honest answer is that most of the friends I’ve met in Chicago are in the health and wellness space, and we (majority of the time) choose to be social during the day with classes/brunch instead of going out to bars/clubs at night.
Because I used to view the health space, especially on social media, as much more black and white, I celebrated my very infrequent drinking, thinking it was the best choice for my health and would positively impact my physical body in many ways. While this is scientifically true, I was in complete denial that I wasn’t living. I wasn’t having fun, embracing new cultural experiences or anything. I can 100000% have the BEST time without alcohol, so this isn’t even the drinking I’m referring to. I was stuck living a very mundane, day to day life, and thought that anything outside of my comfort zone would ruin my routine. Even after weekends away I would come home to massive stress. I would see everyone else documenting giant meal preps and grocery hauls on Sundays on social media when I was stuck at the LaGuardia apartment and didn’t get home till 10:30PM (this is still a VERY bad scenario – who doesn’t hate delays, but I have learned it’s OK if I have to shop and prep on Monday instead :)). Basically, I got way too comfortable with my new normal, and if anything tested that, I would freak.
The first few months of this year were very very much a healing process. I ended my relationship of 3.5 years in end of Jan/beginning of Feb, and moved into my own place for the very first time March 1. I had to redefine my normal and reconfigure my routine. An exciting yet scary task, to say the least. I also started working 100% remotely in April. It wasn’t until the summertime rolled around that I felt settled and had more opportunities to say yes to social events. I had friends visit, nice weather that made me want to be outside, and dance parties in my kitchen suddenly gave me the urge some dance parties out at night. I felt like it was time to finally be present, and just embrace the fun of summer. For a few weeks, this included more alcohol for me than my normal, and it definitely resulted in higher CBD in-take than normal (hello Sunday scaries), but I was so happy to be having fun in the present. I was meeting more people, and I felt like myself again, honestly. I feel like during my relationship I lost a bit of my extroverted, dance and music loving self. Flash forward to the present, and I decided I needed a break from alcohol again, but I didn’t want that to change this new vibration I feel like I’ve been on. When I decided to attend Lollapalooza, I honestly had no idea what to expect. I wasn’t sure if I could even handle the giant massive crowd of people in all different states of mind. A few years ago, I actually went with my ex and we left immediately. It overwhelmed us. But this time aroundI went to Lollapalooza for 3/4 days and not only did I LOVE the feeling of being in a crowd of so many happy people, but no one else bothered me. I felt so secure and happy with myself that I could care less what others were doing. Similar to a really good soulcycle class or event, the energy of the community fueled me, and the presence of the performers and artists inspired me in such a unique way.
I had definitely staryed from routine, however. Even though I only attended Lolla for 3 or 4 hours each day, starting around 5 or 6PM, my entire weekend was dedicated to this concert. I legitimately felt like I got NOTHING else done. My apartment was a mess, my body was tired, I hadn’t done any of my errands. While it definitely gave me a little bit of stress, I normally would freak in this situation. I honestly just put my to-do list and everything else in the back of my mind during the whole experience and soaked it up to the absolute fullest. That’s the thing, your routine never really stops. You may not have a stocked up fridge, but that doesn’t mean all of a sudden your habits have completely flipped. You can press start to your week on Tuesday if you have to, but your routine is still there. Once you’ve committed to living a healthy life, there’s no such thing and a reset or a restart. There are periods that are of course more organized, or more prepared, but you roll with the punches and make it work anyway.
After this last weekend, I realized how HAVING FUN made me a happier person, and isn’t happiness a huge part of wellness? Your emotional being is just as important, and there is no need to sacrifice fun. If you want to go out and drink because it’ll make you happy and you enjoy a good margarita? Do it 🙂 (moderately and safely). If you want to stay in and do a face mask and drink tea? Do it. No guilt necessary either way! There is no black and white, right or wrong, strict answers, or restrictions. Every single person defines balance differently. Just because someone on your Instagram feed has their routine down to a science and doesn’t drink alcohol, doesn’t mean they’re a healthier person than you. They found what works for them, and you are doing what works for YOU. Saying yes to a night out will not ruin your goals if it’s something that will fulfill you in someway. You may feel tired on Monday, but that night out could still make you feel recharged or reinspired in some way, too. But honestly, if it’s not? Learn to say no.
Wellness for me isn’t just about what you eat or how you sweat, it’s about how you energetically feel, and how you fulfill yourself by doing things that make you happy. Balance is being okay with things being inconsistent once and a while. It’s entering different environments that will uplift you emotionally/physically/mentally/spiritually, even if your couch would’ve felt a lot more comfortable. It’s dancing alone in your kitchen, but also dancing with your friends late night. It’s getting dressed up, but also wearing your ratty old pair of sweats. It’s new adventures. New friends. It’s LIVING. There’s no time like the present to accept yourself and say yes to things you love. Balance is where healthy meets happy. Your wellness-filled lifestyle should be part clean eats, part good sweats, part long sleeps, but also part UNKNOWN. Embrace whate else is out there and leave room for adventure, you never know what those moments can lead to. 😉
