Never in my life did I anticipate moving to a completely new city, in the Midwest, knowing practically no one. During my senior year when everyone was getting job offers with signing bonuses and I was scrambling to find pretty much anything and I pretty much assumed it would be in a surrounding city like New York or Philly. Turns out, it was in Philly, but not for long.
My first failed job out of college sent me a spark of clarity. I was seeking a new direction. A new environment. New opportunities. Enter Chicago. October 11, 2015.
I wrote this blog post last year all about my move here and what brought me here, but wow so much has changed since then. Relationship status, career, apartment, dating, new friendships, etc. So, I wanted to rewrite the narrative and share a list of things that I’ve learned since taking the leap to the Windy City. Every ounce of loneliness, struggle, and confusion has led to an infinite amount of self-discovery, self-awareness, and LOTS of self-love. I will forever look back on this chapter of my life and be so grateful that I embraced the unknown. There is still so much I’m figuring out, but I am constantly reminded of how grateful I am for this city.
Whether you’re undergoing a current shift or thinking about making one, these are all things that I wish I could share with my younger self. I hope that my experiences resonate with you and help you find peace in whatever transition you’re going through.
My Favorite Takeaways – 4 Years Later
You will feel lost more than once- and that’s okay
Adapting to a new environment or path is not easy. You will find yourself confused, self-doubt creeping up and the comparison game messing in your head. Know this is NORMAL and do not let it absorb your thoughts. You are in control of your thoughts and you just have to trust that you’re being guided on this path. If your gut instinct is that this is right for you, there will be times of struggle and strife. Fulfilling your passion but not feeling successful? It will happen. Keep at it. Trust the process. Allow yourself to fail and you will undoubtedly come back stronger, more grounded, more passionate than before. I’m the biggest proponent of trusting gut instincts and not worrying about what others think! The easiest route isn’t always the right one. Do what serves you and keep at it!
Find friends that lift you up
When you first move to a new city, most friends are friends of friends. However, eventually you will meet likeminded people by attending events, going to new workout studios and simply putting yourself out there. I actually really recommend facebook groups too (For example: I listen to the Morning Toast and they have such a good community of Chicago Toasters.) Those are YOUR PEOPLE. They will support you, lift you up, and introduce so much positivity and growth into your life. The quote, “Your vibe affects your tribe.” Couldn’t be any more true. Eliminate any toxicity from your life. Unfollow anyone that makes you question your own worth.
You are whole completely on your own
Something I’ve recently grown to understand more deeply is this idea of being in a relationship where it completes you vs. complements you. As someone who has almost always had a boyfriend (until Feb this year), I became co-dependent on these counterparts for validation (can you tell I’m a words of affirmation love language?) Once I recognized this, I’ve worked on building myself up by doing things that make me feel good. Positive self-talk and just straight up crushing life independently is the BEST way to make yourself proud! Be sure to celebrate those moments. You learn a lot about yourself by living alone. You also have a lot of time with your thoughts on your own, so build yourself up with them! My goal now is to always have my own independence, even when I fall into my next relationship.
Say YES more
It is SO easy to fall into a routine where you’re doing the same thing every day (and trust me, I am a creature of habit), especially if you live solo and don’t have someone to directly hold you accountable to try new things. I’ve learned that saying yes more and opting into situations that are a bit out of your comfort zone allows you the chance to be present, practice balance, have fun, meet new people and LIVE. If you have a lot of energy but planned a Netflix night in, maybe do a GNO instead. This can even go for trying new workouts, or experiences. The idea is to have fun expanding your boundaries and horizons. Being open allows in a lot of room for good and a lot of room for growth too! Expansion is key. 🙂
Also, say NO more
With that said, if something doesn’t feel right, if you don’t have the interest, or you simply don’t want to do something, just say no. It is important to put yourself first because you can’t fill from an empty cup! Allow yourself to be a hermit, to relax, binge watch, nap, face mask + eat chocolate (my ideal night) and get all of the me-time you need. Never feel guilty opting out! Your friends or colleagues will understand, and there will be other opportunities. We all need to set boundaries when it comes to over-committing to plans and events. Once you learn what those limits are for you, set those boundaries and honor them. (I.e. One weekend night I plan to do nothing but relax alone).
Self-Care has no price tag
One of the common misconceptions is that self-care is luxe, costly, and requires a lot of time. The reality is that it can cost nothing, take 2 minutes each day, and still have such a positive impact on how you feel! Whether you are journaling or meditating in the morning, taking a bath, going on walks with music, etc. that is ALL self-care. Anything that makes you feel good counts and it comes in so many different forms (mindfulness, movement, food, beauty, etc.). Having this time to replenish yourself will help you excel in other areas of your life because you feel so good from the inside out. Simply put, do more of what makes you feel good because you deserve it. I will be breaking this down in my upcoming e-book (follow @selfcaresociety_ on insta for updates)!
Allow yourself to FEEL
I’ve always been an emotional and sensitive individual, but I never understood how good it feels to just release it. I am really really happy person, but I cry all the time. It’s natural. It’s life. It’s how we move past pain, anxiety, and can let it go and move on. Any ebbs and flows or ups and downs in your life are completely normal. Embrace freely and have no shame. If you’re feeling lonely, a kitchen dance party and long facetime or phone calls with friends do WONDERS. I have a new appreciation for hearing someone’s voice vs. typing a text.
Celebrate YOUR individual journey
We’re at the age in our lives where some people are engaged, some are having babies, and some are just trying to figure it all out. That’s TOTALLY FINE. We all go through life at our own pace, and some of us need to experience hardships before we can reach those milestones. Everyone’s journey is unique and that’s what makes ours so special. If you’re starting a side hustle or just trying to excel at your career, don’t compare your beginning to someone else’s middle. Remember everyone’s “overnight success stories” were 10+ years in the making! Be proud of any leaps you take in personal life and professional life, all of those baby steps lead to big results. You’re being so productive even when you think you’re not. Make sure to take time to celebrate those victories without being so hard on yourself!
Enjoy these years!
I loved college, but I REALLY LOVE this era of life. I love the possibilities, the opportunities, the chance to explore, the freedom, the independence, the chance to craft your own story. You are in power of your life, your feelings, your dreams. Manifest them. Chase them. Do them. Don’t hold back. Give lots of hugs. Laugh till you cry. Say I love you. Talk to strangers (safely). Do things that scare you. Take lots of pictures and document everything so you can look back, reflect, and be damn proud. Approach every day as the badass you are and remind yourself that you are capable of anything and everything.
While New Jersey is where I grew up, this will also always be my home, too. This is the place that I’ve grown the most. Chicago is the most special relationship that I’ve had, and every day I am grateful for all of the lessons, humans, and opportunities its brought into my life four years later. Thank you for giving me this space. xox
Pictured below: NOW 2019 – THEN 2015
