You’re Not Lost, You’re on your Way

When creating Bun Undone, one of my main objectives was to always be relatable, attainable and authentic. With committing to that mission, I knew I would have to share some very raw moments, truths and vulnerabilities from the past and present. Instagram has a funny way of making everything seem so perfect, luxe and happy all of the time. We all find ourselves deep in a comparison game, admiring the aspirational lives of others. So instead, I use the platform to share my truth, and often times spin it in a positive way. With that said, I’ve had many periods throughout life where being positive wasn’t as easy. Just a few years ago, I was struggling with my identity in many ways. The pre-“Bun Undone” days were not the best.

When I graduated from college in 2015, I was SO lost. I honestly had the most amazing college experience at Penn State (a great work hard, play hard balance, if you will) and the end of senior year I had so much anxiety over what would happen next. I applied for tons and tons of jobs, simply because that’s what you’re supposed to do after college. I majored in PR but had no idea if that’s what I really wanted to do. I was envious of my friends who were so decided on their business career paths. I worked super hard in college, but up until this point everything really fell into place naturally and came somewhat easy. I’ve always been a goal seeker and entering college I had a clear vision of what my college career would look like, but not what would come after. So, I was just going through the motions to get my first job, then celebrate and figure out the rest later. I drove countless weekends from my campus to Philadephia (about a 3.5 hour drive) to meet for multiple rounds of interviews. Finally, months later, I convinced a job I was a worthy candidate and took my first role in event management and social media at an agency.

I specifically remember driving with a co-worker to a meeting and trying to explain to her how hard of a time I was having adjusting to the real world. Prior to this, I never had a 9-5 ANYTHING and all of my internships were only a few days out of the week. Five days in a row of working and staring at a screen, commuting, etc., was really taking a toll on me. I missed my friends and I definitely missed the “play hard” component of college. I was super excited about the job, as it allowed me to take on a role doing event planning, including some really cool big and local concerts. After a couple weeks of making myself proud, I reached a total breaking point. I had no real mentorship, and didn’t mesh well with the culture of the company. My mind started to naturally drift into Chicago, even though I was physically in Philadelphia. It was only a matter of time until I was fired, and I was blindsided. The shot this took to my ego was major. I never knew humiliation until this moment. Luckily, I was living at home, still on my parents’ insurance so finances weren’t a huge stressor at this point.

So, I made the most of it and the mental daydream of Chicago began to transition into reality. I began looking for jobs and even stayed in Chicago for three weeks during the hunt. The manifestation was real (even though at the time I didn’t know what that was!) I told myself I wasn’t going to take a job in events, and then, sure enough, I did. Realistically though, I was a glorified waitress. Doing tastings for weddings, serving food on platters at retail stores (and dropping the tacos, don’t worry, it was a total fail). This job truly made me realize how NOT Type-A I am. Yes, I am a perfectionist, but I don’t care if straws are cut to the right length or if napkins are lined up evenly. I felt like I was making no impact on the world, yet I was constantly belittled at failing to do such insignificant things. This job definitely took a toll on my insecurities and I felt like I wasn’t using my college degree whatsoever. Two failed jobs in my first 6 months post-grad. That had to be a new record, right? I actually walked into a psychic during this time period and asked about my job and she said, “You’re doing what you’re going to end up doing, but you’ll be running the business.” At the time, this left me in tears. My friend and I saw a sign outside of a door on the main street and randomly decided to go through with it. It was the first I ever went to, with zero research beforehand, so while I left emotional, I also left a bit skeptical too.

Finally, I landed a job at Blue Chip, an advertising agency based in the Chicago suburbs, which to this day will always be a job I look back on with such gratitude. I was in account management, which means I was a client facing role, coordinating with fellow employees in other departments, for instance: all things from PR, digital marketing, influencers and social media. There was output to my work. I was making friends. I was finally feeling valued. It’s amazing how that works, isn’t it? A couple years into the job is when Bun Undone was born. My company introduced a program called “LEAPS” which is built on the idea that you are learning the first 22 years of your life and then never again. It allowed for us to all take on a side project to continue our education with something we’re passionate about. When I was building the blog, I was excelling at the job too. It was truly proof that when you’re happy and you give your employees a chance to do what they love, they flourish. I talk about this in a couple of my podcast episodes as well. I was content at Blue Chip, and when Bun Undone began, I literally felt like I was vibrating on a higher frequency. I knew I found my ultimate passion and was going to continue to take leaps and sacrifices to build it. I could feel it in my heart and my gut all at once. Last June, I ultimately quit that job to allow for more time and flexibility for Bun Undone. A huge risk that felt necessary at the time. I’m now working part-time doing digital marketing for a beverage company. It’s given me a look into more of a start-up, entrepreneur atmosphere doing work that I love, provides me structure, yet allows me enough time to focus on this hustle too.

My point is: social media glorifies everything. It’s easy to cast judgments on strangers, but we really have no idea what they’ve gone through, or what they are currently going through. Those two failed jobs? They happened for a reason. Every single point on your path, good or bad, leaves you HERE, today, for a reason. I’m a firm believer in that. I find it hilariously ironic that I’m now doing events, after all. The psychic was right. I’m doing it for myself (free of napkin and straw drama) and I love every second of it – even the stressful moments! I failed a million times before getting here, and I’ll fail a million more times, but where I am right now all feels meant to be.

I choose to share all of my messy, undone moments with you all in the hopes that you can relate. Life transitions and career development is tricky, but you are never alone. You’re not lost, you’re just on your way.

PS: During this confusing and emotional time, I turned to writing. I wrote and submitted an article to Thought Catalog anonymously. Feel free to read it here.

Light and love, Morgan

Photos by Paige Babilla